The Ugly Dragon

Often when things happen out of her control, she reverts inward, caves into herself depending on how terrible the situation is. Tonight. Tonight she sits in sorrow wondering; why such an oblique outcome? She's asking herself questions she's heard answers to but, she's unable to understand or comprehend the value of those answers to what she felt, what she still feels. She hasn't been sleeping, she dreams, visions of a nightmare outcome, not just for her but for another. She doesn't want it to be so. What she knew of herself was her ability to carry-on, she always carries on like normal, like it didn't happen, like it didn't matter, like past demons bear no relevance in this moment, the now. She likes to store things deep down to face them later when, -with the utmost certainty that- she has coated herself with enough strength. I want to make it that way again.

It's been 3 weeks since my last post and this is what I've learned;

 God makes his rain to fall on the just and the unjust alike and God makes the sun shine on the good as well as the evil. God's grace is democratic. (A democracy I'm seeking true understanding of.)

 That which is Good is called Beauty and that which is Evil we call Ugly. (A lesson from Sufism.) The Dragon is the name I've given to my saddest lesson in life. And so it is, that I will no longer call the Dragon evil, instead, I will refer to it as 'ugly'. For calling it 'evil' pertains to my own goodness, that I am above it in goodness and that I have let my ego into the matter. That is wrong, judgement of such high authority should be left to One that is his Maker. I can however, judge or condemn it's actions towards me.

† To seek God in someone who has done you wrong is the true test of spirituality.

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