Such is Life

While perusing the long isles of neatly stacked books in a library that had become a place of comfort and calm for my spirit, I found two incredible women. One was in the autobiography section, the title of her book intrigued my lost sixteen year old soul which was desperate to attach its self to something wiser. I Know Why The Caged Birds Sings by Maya Angelou. As soon as I read the first page, I knew I had found a gem, I immediately checked out the book. I returned to my over heated lonely room and continued to read words that felt familiar and homely in their candidness. The other was Simone de Beauvoir with She Came To Stay novel in the literature section. I read a couple of chapters in the silence of the library with trepidation. This was adult stuff, things I did not know yet and I knew it.
Yet, what she had to say about the woman self intrigued me so much, it was so relatable, it was as if someone was showing me parts of a truth that could only be fully understood by experience and some wisdom. I decided that I would finish the book when I got to my twenties. This year I picked up another of her book called The Second Sex.

This chapter is about the Woman in Love

In the early days of a great love the woman becomes prettier & more elegant than formerly. She finds raison d'être (reason for existence), her body; she cherishes it through the man who loves her. But later, she gives up her flirting; if her lover wishes it, she changes that image which at first was more precious than love itself. What he does not care for, she rejects. She extends the gift of herself to the point of torture, of being ground under her lover's feet, being nothing but what responds to his call. The woman in love chooses not to revolt against him as long as she loves him. If he loves her less than she wants him to, if she fails to engross him, to make him happy, to satisfy him, all her narcissism is transformed into self-disgust, into humiliation, into hatred of herself, which drives her to self-punishment.
Her feeling gains a mystical dimension; she requires her god (man) no longer to admire her and approve of her; she wants to merge with him, to forget herself in his arms. She abandons herself to love first of all to save herself; but the paradox of idolatrous love is that in trying to save herself she denies herself utterly in the end.

What woman wants in the first place is to serve, for in responding to her lover's demands, a woman will feel that she is necessary; she will be integrated with his existence, she will share his worth, she will be justified. She tries to be useful to him in a positive way. She cooks his choice of food and arranges a little nest where he can be at home. What makes her unhappy is for him to require nothing of her so much so that some will invent demands. The supreme happiness of the woman in-love is to be recognised by the loved man as a part of himself; when he says "we", she is associated and identified with him, she shares his prestige and reigns with him over the rest of the world; she never tires of repeating -even to excess- this delectable "we".

Dolls, it's been a while since I've posted anything, I've been on a confusing train ride, but I managed to get off, I was going the wrong way because of my inability to sometimes let things go. There are times where-by in giving yourself/helping others you forget about yourself and your needs to yourself. You stop focusing on yourself and what improvements you need to make because your busy looking at others' situation and not your own. This has been the last two weeks for me. And what a turbulent journey it was! I remembered my self and in doing so, freed myself.
Nime shuka (I have gotten off)!
I saw a beautifully elegant girl with dark ink skin while at work on Monday and asked to photograph her. She said YES! Her face is that of Ajak Deng and Ataui Deng put together, her name is Iycey and to my surprise she too is from Kenya. I'm very excited!!

Nicki's the girl with the red hair, she blogs at You've seen Paula before on my blog -she was one of the first people I photographed for this blog-, she's the girl wearing the yellow crop top. Grace (wearing the black and white skirt) and I have been good friends for some time. Below are links to all the girls' Instagram, you can follow them and see more of their pretty faces.
Nicki's instagram - @nickicarter_
Paula's instagram - @pauladlive
Grace's instagram - @graciiebrownsuga

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